Kahwin is never on my priority list before...

When I finished my degree, in fact before graduated I already listed down all my dreams and ambitions to be achieved. There are long list consists of material and spiritual achievements that I wish to achieve. I am very focus with my dreams, I am very dedicated to achieve what I wants, and I am will make sure all my dreams come true (dengan izin Allah)...

Here are my priority lists:-
1. To finished my MICPA asap (soon...hopefully)
2. To obtained my MBA no matter how late it will be
3. To become manager of EY at the age of 30 (huhuhuhu)
4. To buy car (bought already-no need expensive car coz car is a liability not an asset)
5. To buy house s(investment property-so should be more than 1)
6. To bring my parents to Haj (now I only have chance to bring my mother)
7. To take care of my parents and give them happiness (become a good daughter for mak)
8. To take care of my adik until he graduate
9. To spare my excess money for charity purpose
10. To build charity house for orphanage after SPM (teenage orphanage house-my biggest dream which I wish I can realised it)

By looking at my priority list, its require sacrifactions, it needs full commitment and I really focus towards it.

But it was before, it was before you come to my life, it was before I know your feeling towards me. So, can you imagine how hard it was for me to rearrange my priority list to include you as part of it. That's the reason why I cant accept you at the first place, even tough I also have the same feeling towards you all this while :((... I am a very focus person. I have my target and I really work towards it no matter how hard it is.

When you come to my life, I become blur...I am not sure what to do next, I don't know how to put you under my priority lists, I don't how to fight with my feeling at that time. It's not easy...suddenly I shocked with the situation that happens in my life. I don't know how to act, I am not sure how to face it. I never thought of this thing to happen, I never thought that I have to go through this phase, I never thought of my own family. For me, having a great parents, supportive and lovely sibblings are enough.

Later, i realise....all my thought was wrong.

When angah get married, even tough she stay near to my house, I still feel a lost. She used to be my bestfren, she always there when I need a shoulder to cry on, she always lend me money whenever I need it, she always ready for me. But then, after she got 2 daughters, her commitment towards her family increase, she cant spent more time with me...

Then along get married. Hmmmm...he used to be a lovely brother for me. I am quite pampered to him before. Now, along stay at Johor. Far away from me, can't really spend time with him, can't always meet him. Somemore, he also have his own commitment towards his family. But never mind, I still have mak, ayah (before ayah passed away) & adik at that time.

Adik registered to KPTM...another person left me. I feel quite boring, when I came back from office, I just stay in my room and spending my time so lonely. I always called adik to ask him to come home and have a great chit chat and dinner time with him.

Later, ayah has left me. The person that I love most in this world has left me. This is what its called qada' and qadar. I have to accept it no matter how hard it is. It's true, kita merancang Tuhan yang menentukan. I have planned so many things to be done for mak & ayah, I have so many dreams with them. In fact, all this while what I have done and will doing are for them. For mak & ayah.

Maybe this is a time for me to accept you as part of my life. You can never replace those who have left me. You can never be my ayah for me because he is the greatest one, you can never be my along for me because he is the only older brother that I have in this world and hereafter and you can never be my adik who always cheered my life with his immatured attitudes. But now I am trying to accept the fact that you are going to be my life partner in this world and hereafter. I am trying to put you under my prority lists, I am trying to re-arrange my priority lists so that you will help me and will be on my side to achieve all my dreams.

Hope my dreams will come true and I will not be alone on my way to achieve it. And kahwin and my own family will be my priority list after this. Hehehehehe...

Pelangi Kehidupan

Pertama kali mendengar lagu ni sewaktu menyaksikan drama Qalesya pada bulan Ramadhan yang lalu. Lirik lagu ini sungguh menyentuh jiwa. Bait-bait liriknya menggambarkan perasaan aku pada masa ini. Setiap kata-kata yang keluar dari penyanyinya benar-benar membuatkan hatiku tersentuh.

Inilah perasaanku pada masa ini...